Shame & Parenting

We have all felt it right, you know the feeling in the stomach, as it churns round and round.  You may notice the waves of emotions of unworthiness and unlovable. We may not know where the feelings come from, let me assure you it is a feeling everyone experiences.

The shame may come from our past, a feeling of not good enough, or how we look, unworthy of acceptance or belonging, failing others and ourselves and even saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The truth is it can come from anywhere and that is fine.  What matters is how we deal with it, after all, we are all imperfect people.

It’s crucial that we first recognise how to deal with our own shame, we often think it’s just us, it’s surprising what we build around shame!  But we must evaluate our own shame, only then we can address what unconscious communication we are sharing with our children about shame.

I was surprised to find that shame is powerful, destructive, and unavoidable, but when we learn to recognise it and navigate through it, we and our children can be stronger for it.  It is so rewarding to work with parents on my 1-2-1 coaching programme and eliminate shame easily and effortlessly and content free.

What causes shame you may ask, and it really depends on the person.  The impact of shame can vary too, from fearing off putting your hand up in school, maybe fear of being seen without your makeup, speaking up in a meeting, there are so many examples. 

I am sure we can all relate when someone said to us ‘what’s wrong with you?’ perhaps when you’ve forgotten something or put your foot in it.  Some people feel extreme shame over something that someone else would never even think about.

People often do not separate the behaviour from the person, it’s key to remember people are not their behaviours.

Know that it doesn’t have to be that way, during a 1-2-1 session with me we can put you back on the right track and move past shame and the process is content free.